The Matchman
Page 1
THREE PANELS
1 - View from above of SCOTT SUFFIX asleep in bed, in the midst of a
cluttered apartment in what appears to be a New York City penthouse. A coffee maker sits nearby. Light streams down from a skylight to provide dramatic tones of shadow.
2 - Close-up of SCOTT'S face. We see his facial muscles begin to twitch as
his eyelid contracts.
3 - Suddenly, SCOTT sits bolt upright in bed, screaming.
SCOTT SUFFIX
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Page 2
FOUR PANELS
1 - Exterior shot of the VALCom Building in the morning sun.
CAPTION
Next morning, at VALCom HQ...
2 - Close-up shot of an alarm light flashing on a computer screen. A klaxon
sounds.
SOUND F/X
Breeeee-urrrrrt! Breeee-urrrrt! Breeee-urrrrt!
CAPTION
It's business as unusual for our heroes!
3 - MATCHMAN and SERGEANT STRIKER sit in the latter's office, drinking
coffee and talking about the current alert.
SERGEANT STRIKER
It's going to be a tough mission this time out. You look a bit peaked, MATCHY my boy. Care to explain?
MATCHMAN
Nothing to explain, SARGE. It's just... all this... and just when I had... that dream again...
4 - Close-up of MATCHMAN'S haunted stare as he begins to re-live the dream.
MATCHMAN
To think that after all these years...that maniac has returned to haunt my waking hours!
SERGEANT STRIKER
[off-panel]
What happened back then? Tell me about the dream!
Page 3
FIVE PANELS
1 - Throughout this page and the next there prevails a sepiatoned
appearance as befits the flashback MATCHMAN is having. The first panel depicts SCOTT SUFFIX chained to a dungeon wall, dressed sort of like Doc Savage or Indiana Jones without the hat. He struggles against his bonds, muscles straining.
SCOTT SUFFIX
Where is the girl, WANG? Let her go!
CAPTION
And so, many years ago...
2 - View of the insidious DR. WANG as he leers down at our hero. We now see
that SCOTT is chained to the wall of a pit. DR. WANG is Oriental, and is dressed in what appears to be a Seventies mock-up of a traditional Chinese mandarin costume, robes, hat, queue and all. He has long moustaches and looks rather like what he is supposed to look like -- a cross between Fu Manchu and Christopher Lee as Scaramanga from the movie version of "The Man With the Golden Gun." (The latter should provide the feel for this entire flashback sequence.)
DR. WANG
You in my power now, MR. SUFFIX. You not in position to make demands. We will keep your wealthy heiress to the Saskatoon baking soda fortune, the lovely ANITA DOBONA...
3 - Cut to shot of the aforementioned wealthy heiress ANITA DOBONA, also
chained to a wall, but above the pit, not in it. She is brunette, olive- complexioned and ravishingly voluptuous. Her long dark hair is gorgeous, but in an old-fashioned late-1970's disco-diva sort of way. Her white dress is soiled and ripped in strategic places. She looks frightened. Her eyes are wide.
DR. WANG
[off-panel]
...And sell her to the slave traders! Ha ha ha!
4 - SCOTT SUFFIX in the pit again. His teeth are clenched for action.
SCOTT SUFFIX
Over my dead body, WANG!
5 - Close-up of the insidious DR. WANG as he smiles evilly.
DR. WANG
That can be arranged, MR. SUFFIX. And thank you, by the way -- I've always wanted to say that!
Page 4
SIX PANELS
1 - DR. WANG gestures to where YUK FU and SO LONG, two of his henchmen,
wait on either side of a doorway next to which is a lever inset in the wall. Both YUK FU and SO LONG are huge, naked to the waist, and carry scimitars thrust into their sashes. They are identical twins, except for the fact that SO LONG has a long ponytail, and YUK FU is bald.
DR. WANG
Soon, my henchmen YUK FU and SO LONG will pull the lever to activate the Death Pit! There you will die a horrible death as MISS DOBONA looks on! Then, my plan to dominate the world will be placed into effect!
2 - DR. WANG alone in the panel again. He displays a small black box with a
red button on it in his hand.
DR. WANG
I have hyper-atomic bombs planted in secret locations in forty major cities across the Earth's surface! When I press this button, the bombs will detonate and human civilization as we know it will be destroyed!
3 - DR.WANG, YUK FU and SO LONG exit through the doorway, DR. WANG in the
lead, of course. SO LONG lingers behind slightly to pull the lever and wave goodbye to our hero.
DR. WANG
Then shall begin the thousand-year rule of God-King DOCTOR WANG the Great! Goodbye, SCOTT SUFFIX! Ha ha ha!
SO LONG
[grinning]
So long!
SOUND F/X
Klikrunk!
4 - SCOTT SUFFIX strains at his bonds, and above him ANITA DOBONA writhes
sexily in hers, as the walls of the pit start rumbling together.
SCOTT SUFFIX
So that's what he meant by a "death pit!" I don't like the looks of this!
ANITA DOBONA
SCOTT! What are we going to do?! That madman DR. WANG is going to destroy the world!
SOUND F/X
[This persists and gets louder through the next two panels.]
Rrrrrrrruummmmmmmble!
5 - Close-up of ANITA as SCOTT shouts instructions. She looks alarmed. So
do her breasts.
SCOTT SUFFIX
[off-panel]
ANITA! Kick your shoe at the lever to shut off the pit! It's our only chance!
ANITA
I... I'll try, SCOTT!
6 - View of the lever as the white pump misses it by a foot (no pun
intended).
ANITA
[off-panel]
Oh no! SCOTT! I missed!
SCOTT SUFFIX
[off-panel, with urgency]
Try the other one!
Page 5
FOUR PANELS
1 - No more sepiatone, as, back in the present, MATCHMAN puts a hand to his
forehead. SERGEANT STRIKER looks on in commiseration.
MATCHMAN
I don't know how I brought her back alive from that one!
SERGEANT STRIKER
Tight spot, kid!
2 - MATCHMAN stands up from his chair and strikes a tense pose.
MATCHMAN
And now it appears that DR. WANG is up to his old tricks! I've got to put that madman away once and for all!
3 - MATCHMAN takes off out the window of the office as SERGEANT STRIKER
shouts after him.
SERGEANT STRIKER
Wait! It's too dangerous! Let me call AZUSA for some backup!
MATCHMAN
Sorry, SARGE! But I have to face this nightmare alone!
4 - MATCHMAN arrives over the beautiful harbor skyline of a Hong Kong long
since returned to the People's Republic of China. It's a lovely day.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Hmmm...deceptively serene! But what lies beneath the city's surface? First things first...the WANG estate!
Page 6
FOUR PANELS
1 - Inside view of a lovely study at the WANG mansion in an exclusive
residential district of Hong Kong. DR. WANG sits at his desk studying some papers, and he looks up in surprise as MATCHMAN smashes through his picture window, pointing an accusatory finger. DR. WANG has changed a great deal since we saw him last -- he is now stylishly bald, with an assiduously trimmed moustache-and-goatee combo that looks good on him. He is slim and trim, and looking paradoxically younger in a conservatively tailored business suit. (His archaic accent is gone, too.)
DR. WANG
What in heaven -- MATCHMAN! Or should I call you SCOTT, for old times' sake?
MATCHMAN
No time for pleasantries, you fiend! I'm here to stymie your foul plans once and for all!
2 - DR. WANG and MATCHMAN stand face to face and speak to each other. DR.
WANG preens visibly.
MATCHMAN
Looks like you've done well for yourself, you miscreant!
DR. WANG
Yes, well, now that I'm a legitimate businessman, I can relax a bit and enjoy some of the finer things in life. Like the suit?
3 - MATCHMAN sits down in a chair as DR. WANG leans self-assuredly on the
corner of his opulent desk.
MATCHMAN
Legitimate? You mean...you've abandoned all of your crazy schemes? You're no longer a villain? The reports were incorrect?
DR. WANG
Let me hasten to reassure you that I have been strictly on the level for some time. I'm a fairly successful businessman now. I've settled down, bought a house, married...
4 - An older but no less attractive ANITA DOBONA -- or, as we should now
call her, ANITA WANG -- walks in through the study door. She has the panel all to herself. She is dressed stylishly, as befits the wife of a prosperous Oriental businessman.
DR. WANG
[off-panel]
...In fact, you remember ANITA, don't you?
MATCHMAN
[off-panel]
Mother of mayonnaise!
ANITA WANG
Good to see you again too, SCOTT. What's with the circus outfit?
Page 7
SIX PANELS
1 - DR. WANG and MRS. ANITA WANG embrace as MATCHMAN looks on
incredulously.
MATCHMAN
ANITA! How could you marry such a monster?
ANITA
Oh, stop it, SCOTT! My dear hubby has turned over a new leaf!
DR. WANG
That's right! I'm a pillar of the community! I have responsibilities now!
2 - DR. WANG goes back to his desk as ANITA turns toward the door of the
study.
ANITA
And speaking of responsibilities, I'm overdue at the charity hospital! SCOTT, let's have dinner later and you can tell me all about life under the big top! 'Bye!
MATCHMAN
Charity hospital?
DR. WANG
Yes, I support a hospital for orphans and the infirm. Tax write- off. All in a good cause, right?
3 - MATCHMAN takes off through the window as DR. WANG turns back to his
paperwork at his desk.
MATCHMAN
Well, I'll just be going then, DOCTOR. Sorry to have disturbed you at your work!
DR. WANG
Stop by anytime! We'll do lunch!
4 - MATCHMAN flies above ANITA as she drives along in a beautiful
convertible.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
There's more to this than meets the eye! I'm going to do a little investigating at that so-called "charity hospital"!
5 - MATCHMAN stalks the hallways of a hospital as medical technicians and
patients in wheelchairs hurry back and forth.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Hmmm...no sign of any questionable activity here! Perhaps I was wrong! Perhaps DR. WANG has truly reformed himself!
CAPTION
Soon...at the hospital...
6 - MATCHMAN enters a stairwell.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
When in doubt, always check the basement! Villains love basements!
Page 8
FOUR PANELS
1 - In the subterranean levels, MATCHMAN travels purposefully down a
darkened corridor.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
MatchSpider Radar...tingling!
2 - MATCHMAN peers around a corner at a gigantic hangar-style room full of
boxes of ammunition and weaponry of all kinds. A paramilitary army of hired thugs is busy carting, uncrating and taking inventory. They are all armed to the teeth and Oriental.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Paydirt!
3 - Close-up of MATCHMAN'S face as he peers around the doorjamb.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
I knew that WANG was up to his old tricks! The only question is, where are his old henchmen? Where are YUK FU and...
4 - Same close-up, except that a large fist belonging to none other than SO
LONG is holding a large pistol pressed to the side of MATCHMAN'S head.
SO LONG
[off-panel]
So long...MATCHMAN!
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Crap!
Page 9
FOUR PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN stands up straight as SO LONG and YUK FU, both looking a bit
older and tidier, with short hair and new suits in flamboyant cuts and patterns, hold him at gunpoint.
MATCHMAN
So it was all an elaborate ruse, as I suspected!
SO LONG
We knew you'd be showing up here eventually!
YUK FU
Yeah, DR. WANG notified us that you'd been up to the big house to ask a few questions!
2 - Close-up of the three, as the two thugs leer at our hero as they menace
him with pistols.
YUK FU
So, you got any questions for us, super guy?
MATCHMAN
As a matter of fact, YUK FU, I have exactly three questions for you goons!
SO LONG
You might not like the answers!
3 - Close-up of MATCHMAN.
MATCHMAN
One: Who's your tailor? Two: How many John Woo movies do you watch daily? Three: When will you ever learn...
4 - MATCHMAN catches both of his captors with tremendous uppercuts,
throwing them away from him with great force.
MATCHMAN
...That being a bad guy can be hazardous to your health!
YUK FU & SO LONG
Urrrrggghh!
SOUND F/X
Ka-wham!
Page 10
ONE PANEL
1 - This page is a giant fight scene as MATCHMAN single-handedly plow his
way through the paramilitary army of thugs assembled in the weapons warehouse beneath the charity hospital. Bullets whizz through the air around him as he punches and heaves at the bodies of his assailants. They fall all over themselves in their ineffectual haste to defeat him. SO LONG and YUK FU sneak out a back doorway in the background.
MATCHMAN
Can you feel the Match Fu?!? Can you, punks?!?
THUGS
Get him! Yargh! Kill! Urgkh! etc.
SOUND F/X
Thud! Bam! Ratatatatata! Pow! Blam! etc.
YUK FU
We'd better alert the DOCTOR at once!
SO LONG
Yuk feah!
Page 11
FOUR PANELS
1 - The hospital is on fire in the background, as cripples limp out of the
debris and the bodies of cops and thugs litter the ground. The entire block is a disaster area. MATCHMAN is being interviewed by a group of Hong Kong police in full riot gear. They seem annoyed at his presence.
POLICE OFFICER
...So that's it? That's your story?
MATCHMAN
Scout's honor, officer!
CAPTION
And shortly thereafter...
2 - MATCHMAN talks with the cops.
MATCHMAN
DR. WANG was running a secret arms smuggling ring out of the basement of his charity hospital! He's an international criminal!
POLICE OFFICER
These are very serious accusations. We shall investigate further. You say you flew in to Hong Kong today. Let me see your passport!
3 - More talk.
MATCHMAN
I don't have a passport! I flew in under my own power! I'm a super hero!
POLICE OFFICER
We have no use for super heroes in the People's Republic!
4 - MATCHMAN walks away as the POLICE OFFICERS confer behind him in
Chinese. (Denote this by using "<>" to surround dialog in speech balloons.)
MATCHMAN
I have no time for all this red tape! There's work to be done! DR. WANG must be brought to justice!
POLICE OFFICER NO.1
<Better have him tailed, just to be on the safe side!>
POLICE OFFICER NO.2
<I agree! Wacky Americans!>
POLICE OFFICER No.3
<What do you suppose is with the cape?>
Page 12
THREE PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN flies through the air at top speed.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
I've got to warn ANITA that her husband is just as nefarious as he ever was!
2 - MATCHMAN ducks his upper torso through an open set of French doors at
the WANG mansion, surprising ANITA who is sitting on a couch reading a magazine and sipping a martini. She seems surprised at his appearance.
ANITA
What the -- SCOTT!? What are you doing here!?
MATCHMAN
ANITA! I have urgent news! DR. WANG is still a twisted megalomaniac who dreams of nothing but global conquest!
3 - Close-up of ANITA'S face. She looks bored and mildly amused as she
lights a cigarette.
ANITA
You don't say.
MATCHMAN
[off-panel]
Indeed I do say! He's been fooling you with his apparent reformation for all the years you've been together!
Page 13
FOUR PANELS
1 - ANITA sits on the couch and studies her nails as MATCHMAN attempts to
urge her into action without actually touching her.
MATCHMAN
There's no time to waste! I've come to bring you to safety and -- say, you seem to be taking this all rather well, considering.
ANITA
Of course I am, you dolt...
2 - ANITA stands up off of the couch and expostulates with MATCHMAN face-to-
face.
ANITA
That's why I married him in the first place!
MATCHMAN
Gasp!
3 - ANITA continues to explain to a horrified MATCHMAN.
ANITA
The raw animal magnetism of his obvious lack of scruples drew me to him irresistibly! I won't say that I loved him, but rather, I loved what his position of wealth and power could do for my own womanly needs and desires!
MATCHMAN
You're as corrupt as he is!
4 - Close-up of ANITA smirking, as she is suddenly flanked by two giant
enforcer robots, HANS and FRANZ, which appear out of a back doorway.
ANITA
I mean, how else would I be able to have just oodles of giant robots around the house? HANS! FRANZ! Sic!
Page 14
FOUR PANELS
1 - HANS and FRANZ close in menacingly on MATCHMAN as he prepares to do
battle.
HANS AND FRANZ
[in unison]
We're here to pump -- you up!
MATCHMAN
ANITA, you've made a grave error in your calculations!
2 - MATCHMAN deftly avoids the robots by leaping clear of their first
attempt to grab him.
MATCHMAN
You have yet to learn that money isn't everything!
HANS AND FRANZ
[in unison]
Bzzzzzzt!
SOUND F/X
Clank!
3 - MATCHMAN clobbers HANS -- the head of the robot goes flying -- as FRANZ
gets him in a bear hug from behind.
ANITA
[off-panel]
You're so right, my fine-feathered idealist -- money isn't everything...
HANS
Double bzzzzt!
FRANZ
Cha-ching!
SOUND F/X
Ka-thongg!
4 - FRANZ sprays a cloud of sleep gas that envelops MATCHMAN'S head,
rendering him unconscious.
ANITA
[off-panel]
...It's the only thing! Nighty-night, SCOTT!
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Unnnhhhh! Sleep gas! Mustn't...black...out...
FRANZ
Zork!
SOUND F/X
Zoooooosssssshhhhhhh!
Page 15
THREE PANELS
1 - Close-up of MATCHMAN'S eyes as his eyelids flutter open.
MATCHMAN
Whuh...where am I?
CAPTION
Blackness, complete and utter! Until...
2 - As we pull further back we can see his face, and the fact that his arms
are suspended above his head. He is in fact chained in front of a stone wall.
MATCHMAN
Great Mazinga! This can't be! It's...
3 - Further back, and we see that MATCHMAN is chained at the bottom of the
very same Death Pit that he had dreamt about way back in the early pages of this issue, or at least at the bottom of a clever facsimile thereof.
MATCHMAN
...It's my dream come to life!
Page 16
FOUR PANELS
1 - Above MATCHMAN, along the lip of the Death Pit, stand DR. WANG, ANITA,
SO LONG and YUK FU. They blatantly gloat at our hero and his predicament. Evil laughter fills the air. Behind them are ranked more guard robots of the HANS-and-FRANZ model.
DR. WANG
What a coincidence! You and I, having the same dream -- your ultimate demise in my ever-thirsty Death Pit! Ha ha ha!
MATCHMAN
ANITA! It's not too late! You can still thwart this villain's scheme in its tracks!
2 - DR. WANG kneels and leers down into the pit as ANITA rests a hand on
his shoulder. His features glow with delayed triumph.
DR. WANG
It is useless to appeal to a conscience that is nonexistent, SCOTT! ANITA has joined the winning team! Isn't that right, darling?
ANITA
Yes, dearest! How could anyone in her right mind resist the seduction of power?
3 - MATCHMAN glowers up at his married nemeses from his position in the
pit.
MATCHMAN
Easily! By remembering that love, not power, makes the world go 'round...
4 - MATCHMAN'S marvelous Matchpowers activate. He glows as he flexes his
muscles and bursts his bonds dramatically.
MATCHMAN
...And I am a weapon of love!
SOUND F/X
Krink!
Page 17
TWO PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN vaults out of the pit into a surprised crowd of his enemies.
DR. WANG, ANITA, SO LONG, YUK FU all look surprised. Even the robots appear taken aback.
DR. WANG
Look out! He's broken loose somehow!
MATCHMAN
Marvelous Matchpowers -- activate!
2 - DR. WANG and ANITA turn to flee in time-honored evil mastermind style
as YUK FU and SO LONG close in and grapple with MATCHMAN. The robots crowd around them.
DR. WANG
YUK FU! SO LONG! Detain our unwanted guest, while my wife and I attend to some unspecified pressing business elsewhere!
MATCHMAN
This is worse than that Calgon commercial!
Page 18
ONE PANEL
1 - Gigantic fight scene, in which DR. WANG and ANITA hurriedly exit the
large room where MATCHMAN is busily engaged in lifting YUK FU bodily from the floor as SO LONG uselessly attempts to choke him from behind. The robots attempt to close in, too, but MATCHMAN somewhat stymies them by kicking one into the crowd, bowling several over.
MATCHMAN
Ancient Chinese secret, huh?!?
YUK FU
Aaaaaaiiiiieeeee!
SO LONG
[thinks]
Should have learned Mantis Style!
VARIOUS ROBOTS
Bzzzt! Buzzt! Bzort! Brurt! Beep! Brapp! etc.
SOUND F/X
Whap! Bam! Tink! Clatter! etc.
Page 19
THREE PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN throws YUK FU bodily into the Death Pit.
MATCHMAN
So long, YUK FU!
YUK FU
Not the Death Pit! Nooooooo!
2 - MATCHMAN throws SO LONG off, over his shoulders, into the crowd of
robots.
MATCHMAN
And as for you...Ta!
SO LONG
[thinks]
"Ta"?
SOUND F/X
Kawham!
3 - MATCHMAN in the middle of a crowd of robots, battering them all to
scrap.
MATCHMAN
With six you get egg roll!
VARIOUS ROBOTS
Beep! Boop! Buzzt! Brozz! Belch! etc.
SOUND F/X
Whap! Bam! Bonk! Bash! Crash! etc.
Page 20
FOUR PANELS
1 - DR. WANG and ANITA hurry down a sumptuous passageway to the front door
of their mansion. DR. WANG is carrying an elegant briefcase.
DR. WANG
Hurry, ANITA! We'll hop in the Bugatti, zip over to Kai Tak, and be in Vanuatu before that crazed vigilante knows what has happened to us!
ANITA
And the sooner the better, darling!
2 - DR. WANG and ANITA throw the front door wide and stop in their tracks
with looks of great surprise.
DR. WANG
I understand their policies with regard to offshore banking are quite favorable -- uh-oh.
ANITA
Fudge muffins!
3 - From behind the evil duo, we see the front lawn of the WANG mansion
swarming with Hong Kong S.W.A.T. team officers, all with their submachine guns trained directly upon the front door.
COP NUMBER ONE
<Freeze!>
COP NUMBER TWO
<Filthy capitalists!>
COP NUMBER THREE
<You're going down, WANG!>
4 - A pair of S.W.A.T. officers slaps the cuffs on DR. WANG and ANITA as
they are held at gunpoint on the front lawn.
COP ONE
<DR. WANG, we'd like to ask you about thefts of nuclear material from the Lop Nor research and development facility going back twenty-five years! Your cooperation is appreciated!>
COP TWO
<You and your wife are under arrest for international weapons smuggling, conspiracy to commit nuclear war, and a host of lesser charges, you bandit!>
DR. WANG
I don't suppose I can plea bargain?
ANITA
[thinks]
SCOTT was right after all! If only I had listened to that still, small voice inside me! If only...
Page 21
THREE PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN comes out of the front door of the mansion, carrying the limp
and unconscious bodies of YUK FU and SO LONG under his arms.
MATCHMAN
Here are two more you might want to throw the little red book at, officers!
COP ONE
MATCHMAN! You're alive!
COP TWO
[to adjacent cop]
<Guess all that trapeze training at the circus paid off, huh?>
2 - A S.W.A.T. officer shakes MATCHMAN'S hand as he congratulates him.
COP ONE
I suppose we owe you an apology, MATCHMAN! Once we managed to sift through the rubble at the charity hospital, we realized that you had been right all along about DR. WANG! We immediately surrounded his estate and moved in to make the arrest!
MATCHMAN
Many hands make light work, officer!
3 - Close-up of officer and MATCHMAN talking. Our hero blushes with
chagrin.
COP ONE
Now that this affair has been brought to a successful conclusion, we'd appreciate it if you would return to your country of origin before you unleash any further mayhem!
MATCHMAN
Oh! Um...certainly! Not a problem! Right away!
Page 22
THREE PANELS
1 - Back in SERGEANT STRIKER'S office at VALentine Complex, MATCHMAN chats
with the SERGEANT as the two sip coffee. Outside the window a large sunset glows down into the reddish blood-orange hue of impending dusk beyond the epic skyline of New York City.
MATCHMAN
...And that was that. They stamped my passport and gave me the bum's rush. Case closed.
SERGEANT STRIKER
At least you did what you came to do...
CAPTION
And so, halfway around the world back at VALentine Complex, our hero is debriefed...
2 - Close-up of the two talking.
SERGEANT STRIKER
...That's all that really matters, right?
MATCHMAN
Right as rain!
3 - MATCHMAN and SERGEANT STRIKER stand side by side, silhouetted against
the sunset as they stare out of the picture window at the emergent skyline of the city.
MATCHMAN
You know, SARGE, it never ceases to amaze me that people do almost as bizarre things for money as they do for love!
SERGEANT STRIKER
Ain't it the truth, M.M., ain't it the truth!
CAPTION
Ain't it the end?