The Matchman
Page 1
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE VERTICAL PANELS OF EQUAL WIDTH.
1 - We open upon a scene of a peaceful valley, a long
distance picturesque view, with mountains in the background. It is a delightful sunny day, and here and there birds fly about. One bird sits perched on a branch in the foreground.
BIRD
Poo-tee-weet?
CAPTION
Our story begins in a delightful mountain valley in the bucolic south central Asian region of Kaboumistan, where the calm tranquility of a spring afternoon is about to be rudely interrupted...
2 - The entire panel vanishes behind a gigantic explosion,
complete with sound effects.
SOUND F/X
Kaboooooom!
CAPTION
...By total warfare!
3 - Fighter aircraft streak across the sky (use the old
Soviet MiG-21 or the French-made Mirage fighter jets for models if necessary, but don't use any American flying hardware). Explosions rumble across a mountain ridge as, from a distance, the mountains are suddenly alive with streams of running soldiers, reduced by perspective to mere black silhouettes.
SOUND F/X
Tarantarantara![bugle blowing]; Zoooooooosh! [fighter jets]; Kakrathoom! [explosions].
CAPTION
The conflict begins anew!
Page 2
THIS PAGE IS ALSO COMPOSED OF THREE VERTICAL PANELS. THE MIDDLE PANEL IS TWICE AS WIDE AS THE TWO SIDE PANELS.
1 - Soldiers run up and down the sides of the mountains
shooting at each other. Black hair and moustaches adorn the faces of nearly every soldier, along with expressions of courage and true grit. There are explosions, noise, shouts and screams as automatic weapons fire takes its toll. The soldiers should look like Pakistani and Indian troops fighting in Kashmir, as the entire script is meant to refer obliquely to the recent tensions there, but without naming any names, of course.
SOUND F/X
Thaboom! Chud chud chud! Takka takka takka! etc.
SOLDIERS
Charge! Die! Aieeeee! etc. [no religious references should be used here, of course]
CAPTION
The Kaboumistan region has long been a source of friction in the foreign policies of two neighboring regional powers.
2 - A heavily fortified bunker, manned by more dark-
complexioned soldiers in modern combat gear, repulses an assault by a wave of attacking troops who look substantially similar. Barbed wire spirals everywhere through a shell blasted, ravaged mountain landscape.
SOUND F/X
Kaboom! Kerpow! Budda budda budda! etc.
SOLDIERS
Eeeyargh! Yaaaa! Aaaiiieee! Banzai? etc.
CAPTION
But open warfare between them has not occurred for thirty years!
3 - While the carnage continues, the bird flies away into a
clear blue sky.
BIRD
?
Page 3
THREE MORE VERTICAL PANELS. FROM LEFT TO RIGHT, THE FIRST TWO ARE NARROW AND THE THIRD TAKES UP MOST OF THE PAGE.
1 - A mountainside ledge. As we approach it from a low
viewpoint, we see DISCORDIA's shapely golden foot and boot standing on it.
CAPTION
Who on earth could possibly be behind this sudden resumption of active hostilities?
2 - As we pan upwards slowly, more of DISCORDIA's golden
form is revealed to the viewer.
CAPTION
Who else but...
3 - Large splash panel. On a ledge overlooking the battle
scene, standing alone against a background of sheer mountain stone, stands a woman in a gloating pose. Her name is DISCORDIA. She is beautifully proportioned, and is wearing a black bikini, with extra black straps that wrap around her torso and limbs, that manages to strategically reveal a great deal of pressable flesh in the tried-and- true comic tradition. She also wears a pair of shiny black jackboots. Her skin is a bright golden color, as is her shoulder-length hair (the hair is a shade darker, however). Her eyes are blank, without iris or pupil, gold in color as well, and flash with golden lightning indicative of mysterious powers. Her lips and eyebrows are the same color as her hair; her teeth are very white. She is standing upright, legs apart, right hand on right hip, and holding up at shoulder level in her left hand a golden apple. She is laughing evilly at the carnage that she has instigated.
DISCORDIA
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
CAPTION
...Hey! Who's the lady with the golden apple?
Page 4
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE PANELS. THE FIRST PANEL OCCUPIES THE UPPER TWO-THIRDS OF THE PAGE, AND THE OTHER TWO SPLIT THE BOTTOM SPACE BETWEEN THEM, ONE ON EACH SIDE.
1 - This panel is a depiction of the standard evil genius
command center. All surfaces are made of sheet metal, inexplicable computers and machinery abound, fluorescent lights, a giant viewscreen dominating the far wall (along with several lesser viewscreens dotted here and there, all of which are at the moment blank). DOCTOR DEJECTION and DISCORDIA occupy two large Captain Kirk-style swivel chairs facing each other. DOCTOR DEJECTION sits with his legs crossed English fashion and his fingers tented before him. DISCORDIA sits upright on the edge of her chair, as if hanging on his every word. It is clear here from their postures who is the employer and who is the prospective employee. DOCTOR DEJECTION is tall with flowing robes of a dark indigo blue color. His hands are large metal gauntlets. His head is shrouded in a hood, the depths of which are pitch black, except for his eyes and mouth, which are visible as patches of white, in a jack-o-lantern sort of effect. He looks every inch what he is: the evil leader of a global criminal enterprise.
DOCTOR DEJECTION
...What you must understand, DISCORDIA, is that we here at B.L.A.H. are committed to the goal of simultaneously maximizing personal profit and global misery and strife. Because of this commitment we can only accept the most qualified applicants. Your background is indeed quite impressive, but tell me, what unique skills or assets do you think you can bring to our little family?
DISCORDIA
Well, you see, DOC...
CAPTION
To backtrack -- a week ago, at the hidden headquarters of the giant secret international arms trafficking corporation and general mayhem organization called Badguys Leagued Against Humanity...
2 - In this panel, the back of DOCTOR DEJECTION's hood
fills the left side, while over his right shoulder the viewer may observe DISCORDIA telling her story. She gestures in the air with her arms; she's very much one of those "talk-with-your-hands" types. She is sitting back in her chair now, her knees pressed together demurely, or at least, as demure as you can be while wearing a modified black bikini. Her golden apple rests in her lap.
DISCORDIA
I usedta work at like data entry in San Jose, right? And I like rilly hated my job? So I took some time off, to go on this like cruise of the Aegean, right?
DOCTOR DEJECTION
How very illuminating. Please continue.
3 - This panel has DISCORDIA alone in her chair. She is
posing sexily, her left hand held out theatrically displaying the aforesaid golden apple, which glows with a golden light in the gloomy confines of the command chamber. She is smiling as she talks, and animated.
DISCORDIA
And on this one beach I found this gold apple, right? It must've like washed up on shore. So I picked it up, thinkin' it might be like valuable or something, right?
Page 5
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE.
1 - DOCTOR DEJECTION sits in his chair chin in hand, as he
listens to DISCORDIA rattle on. He looks a bit bored.
DISCORDIA
[off-panel]
So when I picked it up, the apple I mean, there was this, like, big flash of light, right, and I turned all these like really weird colors and like dropped twenty pounds, too, which rilly rocked, but anyway...
2 - More DISCORDIA alone in her chair, talking out at the
reader and posing sexily.
DISCORDIA
...I found out that I could make people fight over me just by wanting them to, and I also found out I rilly rilly want them to, fight that is, not just over me but over everything? I think it's so funny when people hurt each other, don't you, DOC?
3 - DOCTOR DEJECTION and DISCORDIA are standing up out of
their chairs, leaning slightly towards each other, shaking hands in profile against a gray steel background of computers and viewscreens. They are smiling evilly.
DOCTOR DEJECTION
Welcome to the B.L.A.H. team, my dear. As your first assignment (and incidental proof of your worth to me), I would like you to start a war in the Kaboumistan region -- it has been ripe for conflict for some time. Do you think that you and your powers are up to the task?
DISCORDIA
Like, major thanks, and no problem, DOCTOR D.! Consider that war waged already!
CAPTION
A matched set -- of evil! And speaking of matches...
Page 6
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE.
1 - Exterior shot of the Columbia University Genetic
Research Center where MATCHMAN works in his cover identity as SCOTT SUFFIX, research scientist.
SCOTT SUFFIX
[from within building] Oh for crying out loud!
CAPTION
...What does our hero know of these sinister developments?
2 - Interior shot of a laboratory. There is the usual table
full of glassware, test tubes, Bunsen burners, microscopes, etc. In the background we see a counter upon which sit a desktop computer and an autoclave. Everything is white, except the floor, which is composed of black and white tiles. There is a broken glass beaker lying on the floor in a puddle of green fluid speckled with shards. Kneeling over his mistake in surprise and self-annoyance is SCOTT SUFFIX, mild-mannered and somewhat clumsy research scientist. He is wearing glasses, a tie, and a white lab coat. He has dark hair, cut short. He is tall, thin, agile and reasonably well muscled. He has a prominent chin and jaw line. He is actually wearing a security clearance photo I.D. clipped to his breast pocket that reads "Scott Suffix, Mild-Mannered Research Scientist."
SCOTT SUFFIX
Good thing nobody was around to see that swift move! Now if I can only get it cleaned up before anyone finds out!
3 - SCOTT SUFFIX crouches in superhero action pose, like
the opening stance of a wrestling meet, and prepares to determinedly search for a mop, when suddenly, he does a double-take and his head whips around (use the standard comics two-heads-drawn image for this, of course -- one with a determined expression, the other with a surprised expression).
SCOTT SUFFIX
Must...find...mop! [double take] Wha?!? Mother of mayonnaise! Matchspider radar...tingling! This looks like a job for...
Page 7
THIS PAGE IS DIVIDED INTO TWO VERTICAL PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE.
1 - Key the theme music; here comes the obligatory
transformation scene. Close-up of SCOTT SUFFIX's chest as he rips his lab coat open and his tie flies up and back. Beneath his lab coat, emblazoned on his chest, is the trademarked MATCHMAN logo. Naturally he is rippling with wiry muscle, but again, not to a ridiculous extent.
CAPTION
...MATCHMAN!
2 - Shows MATCHMAN in flight against a background
consisting of the front facade of the Columbia University Genetic Research Center. He has a look of grim determination on his face.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Looks this is no mere individual love affair gone awry! We are dealing here with the broken hearts of nations!
Page 8
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE.
1 - MATCHMAN hurtles through the sky against a backdrop of
New York City skyline.
MATCHMAN
Better check in with SERGEANT STRIKER at the Trans-Human Relationships Office at VALCom without delay!
2 - MATCHMAN alights in front of a nondescript skyscraper
that is in actuality the physical location of VALentine Complex.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Better go in through the door this time! SUZANNE was extra peeved after that last ceiling entry!
3 - Interior shot. MATCHMAN steps briskly through a set of
wooden double doors with ornate handles, shattering them, into a room lined with tasteful bookshelves. There is beige wall-to-wall carpeting on the floor. Wood splinters fly everywhere in a great cloud. MATCHMAN carries himself with a visibly "can-do" attitude.
MATCHMAN
Looks like that situation in Kaboumistan finally blew up in our faces, eh, SERGEANT STRIKER? What's our next move?
SERGEANT STRIKER
[off-panel]
Groan...not again...my Javanese teak doors...Have a seat, M.M.
SOUND F/X
Carunch!
Page 9
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS. THE FIRST OCCUPIES THE ENTIRE UPPER HALF OF THE PAGE, WHILE THE LATTER TWO EACH OCCUPY A QUARTER OF THE PAGE IN ITS LOWER HALF.
1 - SERGEANT STRIKER is seated behind a large polished
antique wooden desk. Behind is a wall with pictures and a framed plaque that has written on it "All is fair in love and war" in gothic script. Also on the wall is a picture of a matchstick head with the caption "Mother." On the SERGEANT's desk there is a small radio playing the song "Pictures of Matchstick Men" by the rock group Status Quo, as covered by the rock group Cracker. Why all this "match" imagery, you ask? Because SERGEANT STRIKER is a life-size matchstick man -- that is, his entire body is composed of oversized kitchen matches, like a stick figure. His head is the red inflammable tip of one such giant match. He has no visible features, yet some how manages to talk. He has no hands, yet somehow manages to pick up things. On the desk blotter in front of him is a file folder; to his left is an open laptop computer, its back to the viewer. He is "holding" a cup of coffee with/near his left "hand." He speaks directly to MATCHMAN with overtones of urgency in his voice.
SERGEANT STRIKER
Good to see you reporting in so promptly, M.M. I'm afraid we've got a grave situation on our hands.
MATCHMAN
What's up, SARGE? Those belligerent Swiss getting rowdy again?
SOUND F/X
[radio playing]
Pictures of matchstick men and you-oo...
2 - Close-up of SERGEANT STRIKER behind his desk as he
gives the situation report.
SERGEANT STRIKER
Ah...no. Now listen. At 0600 hours zulu time this morning the two nations declared war upon each other and sent their troops into the mountainous Kaboumistan region, where fighting has continued ceaselessly since. Both sides claim sovereignty over the border area, and have a long tradition of ethnic and religious animosity towards each other.
3 - Another close-up of SERGEANT STRIKER, this time in
profile.
SERGEANT STRIKER
But they're managed to keep a lid on the actual fighting for some time now. Why would the situation flare up without warning? VALentine Complex suspects outside intervention, M.M., and I'll give you three guesses who's made the top of the list!
Page 10
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE.
1 - Shot of the desk again, which angles across the middle
ground of the panel. Behind the desk, to the viewer's right, in left profile (such as it is for a matchstick), sits SERGEANT STRIKER, leaning forward on the desk, coffee cup in left "hand", right "elbow" on desk. In front of the desk, to the viewer's left, in right profile, seated comfortably in a low-backed leather chair of the sort found in sumptuous offices, sits MATCHMAN. His legs are crossed American-style as he leans back in his chair. He is gesturing with his right index finger to punctuate his words.
MATCHMAN
Hmmm... DOCTOR DEJECTION, DOCTOR DEJECTION, and DOCTOR DEJECTION? (Whew -- try saying that five times fast!)
SERGEANT STRIKER
Well, that was our basic assumption, of course...
2 - MATCHMAN leans forward over the desk as he and SERGEANT
STRIKER converse head-to-head in urgency.
SERGEANT STRIKER
...But now our remote orbital sensors are sending back readings of a new type of radiation that we've never seen before. It's definitely malevolent, but it doesn't correspondent to DOCTOR D. or any of his known henchmen or devices.
MATCHMAN
The deuce you say!
3 - SERGEANT STRIKER leans back in his swivel chair as
MATCHMAN continues to lean on his desk in a state of agitation.
SERGEANT STRIKER
I can only surmise that our old enemy is employing some new discovery of terrifying potency in his quest for world chaos.
MATCHMAN
I concur wholeheartedly!
Page 11
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS. THE FIRST PANEL OCCUPIES THE ENTIRE UPPER HALF OF THE PAGE, WHILE THE LATTER TWO PANELS DIVIDE THE REMAINING SPACE BETWEEN THEM.
1 - Wide shot of the office. SERGEANT STRIKER is pounding
his right "fist" (in reality another match head, of course) down on his desk and is standing up leaning over the desk gesturing with his other "hand" and speaking loudly and forcefully. The coffee cup, radio, and laptop on the desk all bounce with the impact. He manages to convey the impression of being a badass, despite the fact that he is made of oversized matches -- sort of a cross between Pinocchio and John Shaft. MATCHMAN stands back a bit.
SERGEANT STRIKER
This is the mission profile: You must go to Kaboumistan, neutralize the agent responsible for this bloodshed, and restore amicable relations between these two warring nations!
2 - MATCHMAN pulls himself upright into a full salute in
the face of SERGEANT STRIKER's consummate military professionalism.
SERGEANT STRIKER
Think you can do it, M.M.?
MATCHMAN
You can count on me, SERGEANT! Peace and love are my middle names!
3 - Quick as wink, MATCHMAN whisks his way back out through
the shattered double doors he cam in by. SERGEANT STRIKER watches him depart with a look of stern fondness.
SERGEANT STRIKER
And hurry! Time is of the essence! [to himself] Few cans short of a six-pack, that one. Good man, though. Best we've got.
SOUND F/X
[radio playing]
Come on baby light my fiyaaaaaahh...
Page 12
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE.
1 - Image of MATCHMAN spanning the continents in full
flight as he speeds his way through the skies to Kaboumistan (which is approximately where Kashmir is).
2 - MATCHMAN soars over the blasted landscape that was once
the peaceful valley depicted on Page One. Mud, wreckage, corpses, and the rubble of once-populous villages spread across the landscape as far as the eye can see. In the distance there is continued fighting, and the distant rumble of explosions echoes from the hillsides. High up in the distant mountains there glitters a brilliant flash of golden light.
SOUND F/X
[faint in the distance]
Boom! Thaboom! Rrrrumble! etc.
CAPTION
Faster than you can say "interpersonal dynamic," MATCHMAN arrives in the troubled war zone of Kaboumistan!
3 - MATCHMAN speeds through the air towards that mysterious
golden glow in the mountains. The blasted landscape continues to unroll beneath him.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Hmmm... No sign of B.L.A.H.'s usual agents provocateurs anywhere...wait! That mysterious golden glow on the horizon! Could that be it?
Page 13
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE EQUAL SIZED HORIZONTAL PANELS.
1 - MATCHMAN soars closer to the ledge where DISCORDIA is
standing. His heart leaps as he catches his first sight of the woman destined, perhaps ironically, to be his one true and unattainable love in the future. She's doesn't notice him yet, being absorbed in the carnage she's inspiring below in the valley.
MATCHMAN
Sweet nachos! Who could that be? I've never seen her before!
CAPTION
Yes it could!
2 - MATCHMAN hovers in a ready combat stance in mid-air,
high above the cliff side ledge where DISCORDIA sits, dangling her legs over the edge and watching the combat below, obviously enjoying herself immensely. She claps her hands with glee at a particularly magnificent explosion that claims a dozen lives. Her golden apple lolls in her lap, gleaming with faint menace.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
What a tragedy! Such beauty and such obvious depravity, all wrapped up in the same glittering package!
DISCORDIA
Whoa! Nice shot! Ha!
3 - MATCHMAN hovers in the air behind DISCORDIA, carefully
planning his next move.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
She must be thwarted immediately if any sort of peace negotiations will have a chance of success!
DISCORDIA
Look at his head bounce! Ha ha ha ha!
Page 14
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF FOUR EQUAL SIZED PANELS IN QUAD FORMATION.
1 - MATCHMAN lands on the ledge next to DISCORDIA. She
turns in shock to regard this total stranger's intrusion. Her hands instinctively cradle her golden apple protectively. He knees draw up a bit, but she remains in a sitting position. He reaches out his right hand towards her.
DISCORDIA
Whoa! Where'd you come from? DOC D. didn't, like, tell me squat about any superhero types showing up to spoil things!
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
She's even more beautiful up close! Got to get her away from here and defuse that vile fruit!
2 - Close-up shot of MATCHMAN and DISCORDIA talking.
MATCHMAN
I'm MATCHMAN, Miss, and I represent VALentine Complex in the interests of peace and good relationships! I'm afraid the show's over!
DISCORDIA
Ya think so, do ya? Well, DISCORDIA sez otherwise, big boy!
3 - Extreme close-up shot as DISCORDIA sashays up to her
reluctant enforcer and touches his chest.
DISCORDIA
Wow, they rilly grow 'em big at VALentine Simplex, don't they? I'm, like, impressed!
MATCHMAN
Um, that's "VALentine Complex," actually...
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
She's touching me! She's touching me!
4 - The two antagonists back off and confront each other,
as MATCHMAN recalls his duty and collects himself, shaking off the allure of DISCORDIA's obvious charms.
MATCHMAN
I'm sorry, Miss, but I have my mission to complete! Suffering is not a toy! Unhand that apple!
Page 15
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF FOUR PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE IN QUAD FORMATION.
1 - MATCHMAN and DISCORDIA stand and talk, still facing
each other at arms length. DISCORDIA appears to be greatly amused by MATCHMAN's demand for her golden apple.
MATCHMAN
Well? Will you surrender your apple and come along quietly, Miss?
DISCORDIA
I, like, somehow rilly doubt that'll happen!
2 - MATCHMAN keels backwards along the ledge, hands
grabbing his head, in obvious agony as DISCORDIA displays her golden apple in her left hand to him, like Vanna White spinning a letter on Wheel of Fortune. The golden apple flashes with golden radiance. DISCORDIA's eyes sparkle with crackling golden lighting. She stands, confidently, hand on hip, so sure she is that our hero will succumb to her evil powers.
DISCORDIA
Now why don't you be a good boy, MATCHIE, and get down there and join the, like, festivities, hmm? Cooooome on. You know you want to. Do it for me, sweetie? Do it for your main squeeze DISCORDIA?
MATCHMAN
Aaaaaaargh!
3 - MATCHMAN reels back along the ledge in severe pain. He
is grabbing his head as his body arcs back.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Rrrrgh...that golden apple...must resist...urge to...abuse my power for...its own sake!
4 - MATCHMAN, sweat steaming down his face from the apple-
inspired agony, advances in a combat crouch towards DISCORDIA, fists and teeth clenched, as she takes an involuntary step backwards. Her face bears an expression that can best be described as puzzled, surprised hatred. She's never known her power to fail before. Her pretty lips pout and her own teeth grate upon each other as she snarls her response to MATCHMAN's challenge.
MATCHMAN
It'll take...a little more than...electroplated produce...to convert me to your amoral viewpoint,
DISCORDIA!
DISCORDIA
O.K., tough guy, if that's, like, rilly how you want to play it!
Page 16
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF SIX PANELS. THE FIRST AND THE LAST EACH OCCUPY A THIRD OF HORIZONTAL SPACE AT THE TOP AND THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE, WHILE THE OTHER FOUR OCCUPY THE MIDDLE THIRD OF SPACE IN HORIZONTAL SEQUENCE.
1 - DISCORDIA lunges across the intervening space and
hammers MATCHMAN with a right to the jaw, her golden apple in her left hand. MATCHMAN reels back in pain, but not without giving utterance to a snappy one-liner.
MATCHMAN
I like to think of myself as the oil poured on troubled waters -- Ummf!
DISCORDIA
I like to think of you as a soon-to-be-dead chump in a tacky unitard!
2 - MATCHMAN and DISCORDIA trade punches as they continue
their interpersonal combat.
3 - More fighting between the two antagonists.
4 - Still fighting here.
5 - You guessed it -- more fighting here as MATCHMAN and
DISCORDIA grip each other's arms.
6 - MATCHMAN and DISCORDIA grapple, his right hand grasping
the wrist of her left hand (which holds the golden apple aloft) as her right hand grabs the wrist of her left hand. They writhe in tandem personal combat. Their faces wear expressions of great concentration.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
This gorgeous vixen is battering me unmercifully, with that golden apple sapping my strength away!
CAPTION
Oh no! Beaten by fruit! Things certainly look bleak for our hero now!
Page 17
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF FOUR PANELS. THE FIRST PANEL IS A SMALL ONE IN THE UPPER LEFT CORNER OF THE PAGE. THE SECOND PANEL IS VERY LARGE AND TAKES UP MOST OF THE PAGE. THE LAST TWO PANELS OCCUPY THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.
1 - Extreme close-up of MATCHMAN's sweaty face as he
concentrates.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Must...concentrate...all my...strength...to...to...
2 - This is the big splash panel on this page, with lots of
distance to it. MATCHMAN releases DISCORDIA's right hand with his left hand, and while she punches him in the face with it, his head snapping back, he manages to reach across and slap the golden apple out of her left hand. The golden apple goes flying far away into the very distant distance, beyond the mountains in the background.
MATCHMAN
Hah! Take that! Laugh at me, you twisted refugee from a strudel kitchen!
DISCORDIA
What are you...eeeeeeek! My golden apple!
CAPTION
Suddenly...the Valentine Vigilante strikes!
SOUND F/X
Whap!
3 - Close-up of DISCORDIA's face as she turns to look over
her left shoulder at the dwindling trajectory of her golden apple. Her face is contorted with a look of lovely distress and vulnerability. One almost feels sorry for her, given the turn of events.
DISCORDIA
But...but I'm, like, helpless without my golden apple!
MATCHMAN
[off-panel] Most women are!
4 - Medium distance shot as MATCHMAN and a newly weaponless
DISCORDIA confront each other on their ledge. DISCORDIA already looks less shiny, duller and perceptibly weaker without her golden apple.
MATCHMAN
It's all over, DISCORDIA! You'd better come with me back to VALCom!
DISCORDIA
No! You don't understand! I...I need that apple!
Page 18
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE.
1 - A decidedly duller DISCORDIA takes off into the sky and
flies away. MATCHMAN stands undecided on the ledge. He watches the golden woman flee, but then turns instead to the fighting in the valley below.
DISCORDIA
If someone else should find it...! So long, MATCHMAN! Our paths will, like, cross again! You can count on it, ya big spoilsport!
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
She's escaping! Farewell, my lovely enemy!
2 - Close-up of MATCHMAN as he turns to view the carnage in
the valley below.
MATCHMAN
[thinks] I'm sure I'll meet you again one day in mortal combat, and perhaps then we can work to overcome our differences and get to know each other better as individuals!
3 - View from MATCHMAN's perspective of the war-torn valley
below.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
...But my primary responsibility is to stop this war! Too many have died already! The suffering must end at once!
Page 19
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS OF INCREASING SIZE FROM TOP TO BOTTOM. THE BOTTOM PANEL IS LARGE AND GLORIOUS.
1 - MATCHMAN crouches on the ledge in a tense stance.
Muscles bulge in his arms as he tenses in a muscle-pageant pose, eyes shut, teeth clenched, lantern jaw jutting. From him waves of mysterious radiation, light pink in color, begin to pulse in succession.
MATCHMAN
I can only hope that I'm not too late to save the day!
2 - The waves of radiation flood outward from the ledge
that MATCHMAN is on to blanket the entire valley battlefield.
CAPTION
As MATCHMAN exerts his mighty powers of reconciliation...
3 - Giant splash panel. From MATCHMAN's vantage point, we
see the radiation spread across the entire ravaged wartime valley.
CAPTION
...A stillness descends upon the war-ravaged land of Kaboumistan.
Page 20
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE.
1 - Wide-angle long range shot of the battlefield area,
mountainous and gloomy. Across the landscape soldiers stand upright and stagger about, dropping their weapons, shaking their heads as if awakening from a bad dream, looking extremely puzzled at the evidence of the past day's events all around them.
CAPTION
All across the disputed region a sudden silence descends!
2 - Soldiers from both armies hug each other convulsively
as they come to the realization that all men are brothers.
CAPTION
Soldiers come to their senses and lay down their arms as the waves of pink might expand in an ever- widening radius of effect!
VARIOUS SOLDIERS
What were we thinking? What happened? Why did we do this? Sorry about all this! It was our fault! No, we were to blame too! Never again! etc.
3 - The bird comes flying back to perch upon a shell-
shattered tree stump and resume his interrupted song.
CAPTION
...And there is peace again in the valleys of Kaboumistan -- all thanks to MATCHMAN!
BIRD
Poo-tee-wheet!
Page 21
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS. THE FIRST IS AS LARGE AS THE OTHER TWO PUT TOGETHER.
1 - A long line of soldiers in dress uniform at parade rest
stand in formation at a military base. MATCHMAN surveys the spectacle from a reviewing platform, at the side of a beribboned GENERAL.
MATCHMAN
A magnificent spectacle, GENERAL...
CAPTION
And so...
2 - MATCHMAN turns and shakes hands with the GENERAL, who
is, incidentally, much shorter than our hero. The GENERAL has a dark complexion, black hair, and a black moustache. He is also wearing military-style sunglasses.
MATCHMAN
...So long as they never have to be used again!
GENERAL
What we owe you, MATCHMAN, is beyond estimation!
3 - Close-up shot of MATCHMAN's large fist eclipsing the
small hairy fist of the GENERAL as they shake hands.
GENERAL
[off-panel]
Our respective capitals have been notified and the negotiation process has already begun. We are in your debt for this benevolent act of intervention, MATCHMAN! How can we ever repay you?
MATCHMAN
[off-panel]
The spectacle of mutual human regard and esteem is its own reward, my good sir!
Page 22
THIS PAGE IS COMPOSED OF THREE HORIZONTAL PANELS OF EQUAL SIZE.
1 - Exterior of a large palatial building of a vaguely
Indian architectural outline. This shot is from the middle distance.
2 - Closer in, we see an ornate door, also vaguely Indian
in style and construction cracked slightly open. Beside is a small tasteful sign on a stand that reads "Historic Peace Treaty Signing Today" in a pseudo-Sanskrit font (the words are in English, in the Roman alphabet, just doctored to make it look vaguely like the Sanskrit alphabet, with appropriate flourishes, squiggles etc.).
3 - MATCHMAN stands, arms crossed over his chest, smiling
benignly down upon two heads of state, a dark haired, dark- mustachioed man in a dark green general's uniform and cap and a gray-haired woman in a sari, who sit facing each other at a small table in the foreground, each feverishly signing a copy of a peace treaty. Sweat rolls down their foreheads from the haste of their labors. No background. The two heads of state are visible from the waist up. The view of MATCHMAN is cut off at his thigh by the edge of the table.
MATCHMAN
Don't forget to cross your I's and dot your T's, folks!
CAPTION
And peace breaks out once again, thanks to the untiring efforts of our hero, the ever-vigilant MATCHMAN!
SECOND CAPTION
[separate little heart-shaped caption box in lower right corner of page]
THE END.