The Matchman
Page 1
ONE PANEL
1 - This script opens in medias res with a giant combat
splash panel, in which MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL are duking it out with DENNIS IVANOVITCH, a Siberian youth dressed in a fur-fashioned mockery of a traditional super hero costume (complete with cape) and armed with a large alien hand cannon called the "Tunguska Blaster" with which he is blasting away wildly and thankfully missing. They are also fighting the SOVIET ONION simultaneously, said being being a large vegetable intelligence from another solar system that is attempting to bring back communism on Earth in order to control the human populace. It has many tentacles that it uses for both arms and legs, and is "dressed" in a bright red outfit with the hammer-and-sickle emblem on it. This scene is just a total combat free-for-all. The location is a disused cavernous basement in an abandoned Siberian gulag camp.
MATCHMAN
Look out, Z-GIRL!
Z-GIRL
Don't worry about me -- worry about that blaster!
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
Eat hot death, MATCHMAN! 2
SOVIET ONION
Workers of the world untie!
SOUND F/X
Fazam! Swish! Krak! Pow! etc.
CAPTION
What the -- ?! Our heroes up against communists from beyond the stars who can't even get their slogans right? Fighting to the death in a grimy Siberian labor camp? How on earth did this happen?
Page 2
FOUR PANELS
1 - Close-up of a radar screen inside the control room of
VALentine complex. SERGEANT STRIKER'S unmistakable hand reaches from off-panel to point out an anomalous glow on the screen, deep within Siberian territory near the Ob River.
SERGEANT STRIKER
[off-panel]
There! Right there! See that, kids?
CAPTION
It all began just yesterday, in fact...
2 - SERGEANT STRIKER stands beside a computer console that
houses the radar screen. He is addressing MATCHMAN and Z- GIRL, who face him.
SERGEANT STRIKER
That is what we like to call a "hyperatomic anomaly." It has occurred only once before in this location, early in the previous century. 3
CAPTION
...In the scanning room of VALentine Complex!
3 - Close-up of MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL.
MATCHMAN
But what does it mean, SARGE?
Z-GIRL
Could it be inimical to human life?
4 - Close-up of SERGEANT STRIKER.
SERGEANT STRIKER
Anything can be inimical to human life if used properly, Z-GIRL! That is why...
Page 3
FOUR PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL discuss the mission in the VALCom
lounge.
Z-GIRL
But you can't go alone!
MATCHMAN
But I must!
CAPTION
"...VALCom must investigate!"
2 - Close-up of Z-GIRL as she argues with MATCHMAN.
4
Z-GIRL
You mean you're just going to waltz on over to the upper reaches of the Ob River in central Siberia? In midwinter? Just like that?
MATCHMAN
[off-panel]
Yep!
3 - MATCHMAN talking to a furious Z-GIRL.
MATCHMAN
You see, due to my marvelous Matchpowers, I am impervious to climatic extremes!
Z-GIRL
As well as common sense, apparently!
4 - MATCHMAN leaves the lounge by the door. Z-GIRL follows
in petulant wrath.
Z-GIRL
What's the point of me being your official sidekick if I don't get to go on any missions with you?!? Huh?!? Huh?!?
MATCHMAN
Sorry, Z-GIRL! You're going to have to sit this one out! It's too dangerous!
Page 4
FIVE PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN flying high over the wintry forest of the
taiga in Siberia. It is winter, and snow blankets everything. The sky is gray, but no snow is actually falling just yet. 5
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
I don't see what SERGEANT STRIKER was so worried about! This place is a million miles from Nowheresgrad!
CAPTION
And so...Siberia!
2 - We see MATCHMAN above, a speck in the blue, as Z-GIRL
skims the tree line behind him, doggedly tailing him to the energy site while staying concealed.
Z-GIRL
[thinks]
No way I'm going to let him run this mission solo! Brrr...it's a good thing that I'm also fairly chill-resistant! Forty below out here and it doesn't feel much worse than movie theater air conditioning!
3 - MATCHMAN spots a disused Stalin-era gulag labor camp on
the ground ahead. A faint flicker of energy twinkles from within its precincts.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
Hmmm...a mysterious glow! Better investigate! It could be the source of that energy signature! This is the right quadrant!
4 - On the ground is DENNIS IVANOVITCH, a large, burly
blonde Russian youth of approximately eighteen years of age, handsome in a chiseled sort of way, like Dolph Lundgren's character in Rocky IV. He appears to be engaging in target practice with an absurdly large alien piece of blaster technology that completely engulfs his right hand and wrist. He's blasting merrily away at the wall of a ruined barracks. He is dressed in what is obviously a crude approximation of a standard superhero costume, including cape, made entirely out of animal skins. There is a large Cyrillic "I" (which looks like a "Y," sort of) emblazoned 6
in a diamond-shaped escutcheon on his muscular chest. MATCHMAN zooms down to earth in the background.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
I recognized this old gulag camp from the mission profile! Aha! And what have we here?
SOUND F/X
Zeeeeeeeram!
5 - DENNIS whirls around, startled, as MATCHMAN addresses
him forcefully from off-panel.
MATCHMAN
[off-panel]
Aloha, citizen! Doing a little target practice?
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
Slava Bogu! It can't be! It's...it's you!
Page 5
FOUR PANELS
1 - DENNIS flings his arms wide as he approaches an
impressively posed MATCHMAN happily.
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
MATCHMAN! What an unexpected delight! I have always idolized you from afar! And now -- you're actually here!
MATCHMAN
Always good to meet a fan! What's your name, kid?
2 - DENNIS and MATCHMAN talk face-to-face. DENNIS is
positively glowing with delight at meeting his idol up close and personal. 7
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
I am DENNIS IVANOVITCH! You are my idol! I want to be just like you!
MATCHMAN
[flattered in spite of himself]
Easier said than done!
3 - DENNIS and MATCHMAN talk some more. The spotlight is
definitely on DENNIS, here, as he gesticulates in his glee.
DENNIS
I wish to become first Siberian super hero! Unfortunately, there is little call for such out here in Siberia!
MATCHMAN
You don't say!
4 - Close-up on DENNIS as he shows off his homemade furry
super-hero outfit.
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
So I make this official super-hero suit for myself! Is all fur! Even the cape!
MATCHMAN
[off-panel]
Swank!
Page 6
THREE PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN examines the blaster on DENNIS'S right hand.
MATCHMAN
...But I'm much more interested in that gun of yours! Where'd you get it? 8
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
Oh, this? This is my Tunguska Blaster! It is my super weapon!
2 - DENNIS blows a hole in the side of a nearby blockhouse,
as MATCHMAN looks on.
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
Nothing can stand up to the power of my Tunguska Blaster!
MATCHMAN
I see. You invent that thing yourself, tovarisch...
SOUND F/X
Zeeeeeeeeeram!
3 - An eye on the tip of a tentacle (belonging, of course,
to the SOVIET ONION) watches MATCHMAN and DENNIS from a dusty and cracked window from across the courtyard.
MATCHMAN
...Or did somebody give it to you?
DENNIS
Da! Da! You wish to meet? I introduce!
SOVIET ONION
[thinks]
Bozhe moi! MATCHMAN! Time to make that call!
Page 7
THREE PANELS
1 - The SOVIET ONION, as described above in the first page
description, hurriedly works at a smaller version of DOCTOR 9
DEJECTION'S viewscreen, in a dank and gloomily lit and cavernous basement beneath the gulag.
SOVIET ONION
[thinks]
I knew those energy signatures from the firing tests would be instantly noticeable! Got to warn...
CAPTION
And so, faster than you can say "dialectical materialism"...
2 - DOCTOR DEJECTION'S grim visage appears on the
viewscreen, much to the SOVIET ONION'S relief.
SOVIET ONION
...DOCTOR DEJECTION! There you are! Mayday! Mayday! It's him! MATCHMAN! He's here!
DOCTOR DEJECTION
Of course he is, you vegetable fool! VALCom scanned the tests, like we knew they would! Now they're playing right into our...well, my hands and your tentacles!
3 - The SOVIET ONION continues to converse with the image
of DOCTOR DEJECTION on the screen.
DOCTOR DEJECTION
We must not allow him to upset the B.L.A.H. Corporation's profitable record of arms sales in this destabilized region of the world! Or your own attempts to re-institute communism as a world political force! Are you with me, SOVIET ONION?
SOVIET ONION
Da, Comrade DEJECTION! Politics does indeed make for strange breadfellows! I shall see him join the great proletarian revolution -- or die! 10
Page 8
THREE PANELS
1 - Back out in the courtyard of the gulag complex, snow
has begun to sputter down from a lowering sky as DENNIS IVANOVITCH leads MATCHMAN to a door in one of the outbuildings that leads to a stairway going down. DENNIS is pure excitement; MATCHMAN seems wary of the situation, and justly so.
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
You must meet! Next to you, the great SOVIET ONION is my ideological example!
MATCHMAN
SOVIET -- what? What, ah, political viewpoint does this ONION fellow represent (as if I couldn't guess)?
2 - DENNIS leads the way down a shadowy flight of cobwebby
stairs tunneling into the bowels of the earth. Sparse light bulbs dot the walls at intervals, giving off a dim and spooky glow. MATCHMAN stalks behind, ready for any sort of ambush.
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
He seeks to reunite the entire planet through brotherly love of communism! You and he are very similar! And you both wear red, too!
MATCHMAN
[making conversation]
What detergent does he use? Sometimes my underwear turns pink in the wash!
3 - Big panel, where DENNIS throws his arms wide, as if to
display to MATCHMAN what he can already see. For there, in the shadowy electric light, flanked by two small crowds of AK-47-toting bandits wearing red armbands, resting on a low dais, sits the red-clad SOVIET ONION, who is roughly seven or eight feet in diameter and possessed of several sets of eyes and one mouth on his bulbous body, in addition to the 11
various eye, arm and foot tentacles, which can apparently extend or contract at will. At present the SOVIET ONION is doing his best to look smarmily ingratiating, which does not wear well on him. MATCHMAN is visibly astonished upon seeing the ONION.
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
I am so pleased to introduce you to one another!
SOVIET ONION
In the name of the working caste, I great you, Comrade MATCHMAN! I have heard so much about you! Welcome to the struggle!
MATCHMAN
Mother of Moskva! Which dome of St. Basil's were you before you came to life?
Page 9
FOUR PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN stands, his back to the viewer, smack dead
center of the panel as he stares defiantly, fists clenched, into the falsely cheerful visage of the SOVIET ONION, which fills the entire panel as it addresses him, mouth open, tentacles waving for emphasis.
SOVIET ONION
Ha ha ha! Actually I am from a far distant solar system populated exclusively by vegetables of genius! But your sense of humor is as great as your powers are rumored to be as well! You would be an invaluable asset to the Party!
MATCHMAN
Sorry -- I vote Unitarian!
2 - MATCHMAN and the SOVIET ONION, face to face, continue
their little conversation. 12
SOVIET ONION
But why should you not wish to join us? Communism does for the world what you do for individuals -- it brings people together in love and trust!
MATCHMAN
Ideally, perhaps...
3 - MATCHMAN thrusts a denunciatory finger at the ONION as
he thunders out his damnation of false communism.
MATCHMAN
...But not under your power-hungry regime! I see right through you, SOVIET ONION! You seek to use brotherhood as a tool to further your own selfish alien vegetable intelligence ends! Not only will I not join the Party...
4 - The SOVIET ONION leers evilly as his minions crowd
around MATCHMAN threateningly, leveling their AK's. A bemused DENNIS, his face stunned at MATCHMAN'S refusal, slowly levels the Tunguska Blaster at MATCHMAN as well. The ONION is snaking a tendril around MATCHMAN'S upper torso already. MATCHMAN suddenly realizes the spot he's in as he continues speechifying.
MATCHMAN
...But it's my job to take...you...down? (Shazbat!)
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
MATCHMAN! How could you so betray the cause? My heart is sad!
SOVIET ONION
I too am crying on the inside, Comrade
IVANOVITCH...
13
Page 10
ONE PANEL
1 - One big splash panel for the inevitable combat scene.
MATCHMAN mows down a bunch of bandits with kicks and punches as the ONION tries to choke him with tentacles and DENNIS lets loose a magnificent blast from the Tunguska Blaster that does nothing more than excavate a part of the ceiling.
SOVIET ONION
...But now we must kick the class struggle up a notch!
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
For the revolution, Comrade ONION!
MATCHMAN
Urgh! Lousy Commie punks! This is for Sputnik! Take that! And that!
VARIOUS BANDITS
Unk! Urgh! Oof! Ak! Ulp! etc.
SOUND F/X
Zeeeeeram! Bonk! Bap! K-tok! Klonk! Bam! etc.
Page 11
THREE PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN stiffens in agony as he is caught in a blast
from the Tunguska Blaster at last.
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
Got him! 14
SOVIET ONION
Good eye, tovarisch! That should fix the reactionary menace!
MATCHMAN
Eeeeeeeaaaaaarrrrrrrrggghhhh!
SOUND F/X
Zeeeeort!
2 - Outside it is snowing heavily at dusk as DENNIS and the
SOVIET ONION walk along, followed by a phalanx of bandits carrying MATCHMAN'S unconscious body.
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
It is such a shame! He fought bravely! And now you say that he is rendered completely powerless in his coma?
SOVIET ONION
Da, comrade! The arcane technology of the Tunguska Blaster is such that it is sure to have robbed him of his various enhancements: matchmaking powers, super strength...
3 - The bandits, with DENNIS and the ONION looking on,
pitch MATCHMAN over a stony cliff in the mighty, rushing, partially frozen Ob River far below. A long-distance shot through the gray falling snow. Very bleak.
SOVIET ONION
...And resistance to sub-zero temperatures! February in Siberia shall surely sign his death warrant! Ha ha ha!
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
So he goes to rest in the mighty Ob River, never to return! Das vedanya, MATCHMAN! 15
Page 12
THREE PANELS
1 - Long shot of the banks of the Ob River in a howling
snowstorm. A set of damp tracks leads from the bank of the ice-choked, rushing torrent and heads off across the bleak landscape. In the distance we see the miniscule silhouette of the back of MATCHMAN'S head as he trudges grimly along.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
'Never' is a long word, comrade...
CAPTION
But these villains have reckoned without our hero's characteristic resilience!
2 - Closer viewpoint of MATCHMAN trudging along. He is
shivering and near the point of collapse. The snow howls around him.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
...But it's getting shorter by the minute! My powers seem to have been short-circuited by that damn ray gun!
3 - MATCHMAN collapses face-first in the snowdrifts.
MATCHMAN
[thinks]
If...if I don't find some shelter quickly...I'm...I'm done for!
Page 13
FOUR PANELS
1 - In an obvious spoof of the famous scene from the movie
The Empire Strikes Back, MATCHMAN'S arm reaches out towards a flickering indistinct phantom on the horizon that is a 16
vision of his MOTHER. Her appearance is very vague. She appears to be a brunette version of June Cleaver, but we just can't be certain.
MOTHER
SCOTT...SCOTT...
MATCHMAN
M-M-MOM...?
2 - Close-up of MATCHMAN'S freezing face, his jaws clenched
in agony.
MATCHMAN
...What? B-b-but MOM...I don't wanna learn to be a...a...
3 - MATCHMAN'S outstretched arm quivers as he begins to
faint from exposure, while on the horizon the specter of his MOTHER dissolves into a shot of Z-GIRL running forward at top speed, dressed in thick furs.
MATCHMAN
...Unhhhhh-h-h-h-h-h...
Z-GIRL
Ohmigod! MATCHMAN!
4 - An unconscious MATCHMAN is cradled in Z-GIRL'S arms as
she kneels in the snow beside him, crying her eyes out in her grief and fury. Her undeclared love for him is evident in every outline of her figure.
Z-GIRL
No! Wake up! Wake up! I won't let you leave me like this, SCOTT! I won't let you! Gotta find shelter...fast! 17
Page 14
FOUR PANELS
1 - Interior of a small hut in the middle of the frozen
taiga. Two RUSSIAN HUNTERS sit in the middle at a rude wooden table, eating soup. A fire blazes in the rude hearth. They are burly and bearded, and dressed in thick fur outfits against the cold. They have a vaguely Mongolian cast of feature -- perhaps Kalmuck.
HUNTER NUMBER ONE
[Any luck with the hunting today?]
HUNTER NUMBER TWO
[Nah. Too much snow. Impossible to track anything.]
2 - Z-GIRL kicks open the door of the hut, with the
unconscious MATCHMAN draped over her shoulders.
Z-GIRL
In the name of VALentine Complex, I'm commandeering this hut!
HUNTER NUMBER ONE
[What the -- !]
HUNTER NUMBER TWO
[Huh -- ?]
SOUND F/X
Wham!
CAPTION
Suddenly...
3 - The HUNTERS look on in impotent bewilderment as
MATCHMAN sits shivering in a chair, his feet in a tub of hot water, and a blanket around his shoulders. A fire is 18
blazing merrily in the hearth. Z-GIRL, smiling with self- satisfaction, helps arrange the blanket more carefully.
Z-GIRL
There ya go! All snug as a bug in a rug! Boy, am I glad I found you in time, MATCHMAN!
MATCHMAN
M-m-me t-too, Z-GIRL! If y-you hadn't, I'd have b-been superhero on a s-stick in no time flat!
4 - Close-up of MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL talking as he continues
to thaw.
Z-GIRL
Now it's time to carry the struggle home to that interstellar vegetable terrorist! But how?
MATCHMAN
Leave that to me! I've got a plan!
Page 15
THREE PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN addresses a large crowd of the local peasantry
from a makeshift platform. The snow has stopped, but the weather is still gloomy, albeit still daylight. MATCHMAN waves his arms dramatically as he speaks to the crowd in Russian. Z-GIRL and the two HUNTERS stand next to him on the platform. Medium distance shot.
Z-GIRL
[thinks]
I didn't know he could speak Russian! Wonder what he's saying?
HUNTERS NUMBER ONE AND TWO
[think] 19
?
MATCHMAN
[in Russian]
[...And this foul creature from another planet has come here to violate your daughters and to turn your sons into human beef jerky! I am here in order to send it back from whence it came!]
2 - Shot from over MATCHMAN'S shoulder as he continues to
address his audience.
MATCHMAN
[You are a strong people! You will not allow yourselves to be exploited again by giant intelligent onions from Venus! I go now to storm the compound! Who is with me?]
3 - A forest of hands clutching rifles and household tools,
including both hammers and sickles, rises to nearly obscure MATCHMAN as he winds up his rabble-rousing speech. Sergei Eisenstein would be proud of this scene.
CROWD
[en masse]
[WE ARE WITH YOU, MATCHMAN!]
MATCHMAN
[Power to the people!]
Page 16
THREE PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN strides at the head of a torch-bearing lynch
mob of classic proportions. They march through the snowy woods towards the compound of the SOVIET ONION. Z-GIRL is at his side. 20
Z-GIRL
Gee, they're really wound up! What'd you say to them?
MATCHMAN
I indulged in a little creative overemphasis!
2 - The compound sits in a clearing. In a long distance
shot, we see the mob hurl itself against the gates and fences of the compound, overpowering the AK-47-wielding troops of the SOVIET ONION, who is nowhere to be seen just yet. It's total carnage on the ground.
SOUND F/X
Yaaargh! Aaaiiieee! Blam blam! Budda budda budda! Kerpow! Boom! Aaargh! Kawhoom! etc.
3 - MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL dash amid the melee in the
compound's center courtyard, as they search frantically for the SOVIET ONION and DENNIS IVANOVITCH.
MATCHMAN
We must find those miscreants at once before they can escape!
Z-GIRL
Yeah, but are you sure that you've recovered from that Tunguska Blaster that they're packin'?
Page 17
FOUR PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL duck into a doorway at the foot of
one of the guard towers.
MATCHMAN
Of course I'm sure! I'm at ninety-nine and forty- four one hundredths percent power capacity! 21
Z-GIRL
Well, O.K., but just do me a favor and watch out for any...
2 - MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL leap to either side of the stairway
they're descending as a bolt of energy sizzles up the center of the stairway from the darkness beneath, narrowly missing both of them.
Z-GIRL
...Ambushes!
MATCHMAN
Take evasive action!
SOUND F/X
Zeeeeeeeeraam!
3 - Z-GIRL rubs her eyes as MATCHMAN points at a shadowy
figure running away at the foot of the stair.
MATCHMAN
There's our man! Green group to sector seven!
Z-GIRL
Unnhhh...that was worse than having my senior portrait taken for the yearbook!
4 - MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL run purposefully down a long
underground corridor after the fleeing figure of DENNIS
IVANOVITCH.
MATCHMAN
Almost...there!
Z-GIRL
Stay on target! 22
Page 18
ONE PANEL
1 - MATCHMAN plummets through the doorway, making a flying
tackle and slamming into DENNIS IVANOVITCH from behind. Z- GIRL is right behind both of them. All three plummet into a reasonably well-lit underground space where more assault- rifle toting bandits react with pronounced alarm to their sudden entrance. So does the SOVIET ONION, who is interrupted in talking to DOCTOR DEJECTION on his viewscreen communication device and is not happy about it.
MATCHMAN
Aha! Gotcha, comrade!
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
[thinks]
They came from...behind!
Z-GIRL
Trick or treat, SOVIET ONION!
SOVIET ONION
And those unruly proletarians are even now...GAAAAH! Mother of Marx! How'd you two get in here?!?
Page 19
SIX PANELS
1 - It's all-out mayhem as MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL clobber
DENNIS insensate and take down all of the bandits in the control room. The SOVIET ONION escapes out a secret back entrance.
SOVIET ONION
If you think that I'm waiting around to be re-educated, you're crazy! 23
Z-GIRL
MATCHMAN! He's getting away through a secret exit!
2 - Outside, we see the SOVIET ONION suddenly surrounded by
a wall of angry peasants with torches, hammers and sickle. The ONION looks extremely frightened.
SOVIET ONION
Gulp! N-nice humans! Good humans! Um...
PEASANT MOB
Grrrrrrrr...
CAPTION
"...Not for long, Z-GIRL..."
3 - A silhouette shot of the SOVIET ONION'S rotund form
being chased through the snowy forest at dusk by the same torch-wielding mob.
SOVIET UNION
Please! Can't we all just get along?
PEASANT MOB
GRRRRRRR!
4 - The SOVIET ONION stands at bay at the edge of a large
cliff overlooking the Ob River as the mob closes in with torches and pitchforks.
SOVIET ONION
Um...workers of the world unite?
PEASANT MOB
GRRRRRRRR!
5 - The SOVIET ONION does a dramatic header off the cliff
into the mighty Ob River. The disappointed mob looks on. 24
SOVIET ONION
Damn you, MATCHMAN!!! DAAAAAAMN YOOOOOOOO!
6 - Ripples spread across the surface of the ice-choked
river from the point of impact. There is no trace of the SOVIET ONION, who sank like a stone.
CAPTION
"Not for long."
Page 20
THREE PANELS
1 - Z-GIRL leads a trussed-up semi-conscious DENNIS
IVANOVITCH over to where MATCHMAN is looking at DOCTOR DEJECTION on the viewscreen.
Z-GIRL
Huh! So the SOVIET ONION was in league with DOCTOR DEJECTION all along!
MATCHMAN
Well what have we here!
DOCTOR DEJECTION
What the -- MATCHMAN! You live!
2 - MATCHMAN leans in and addresses DOCTOR DEJECTION'S
video image forcibly.
MATCHMAN
Oh, I live, all right! But that's more than I can say for your Venusian vegetable ally!
DOCTOR DEJECTION
You meddling kids! 25
3 - DENNIS IVANOVITCH hangs his head in shame as Z-GIRL
admonishes her captive.
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
So my socialist idol was really in league with the criminal element all along! How shall I ever rehabilitate myself and expiate my shame?
Z-GIRL
[brightly]
Don't worry, handsome, we'll think of something! How about six hundred hours of community service?
Page 21
FOUR PANELS
1 - MATCHMAN and DOCTOR DEJECTION continue their video
argument.
DOCTOR DEJECTION
You do realize that this is only a temporary setback for the B.L.A.H. Corporation, don't you, my old enemy?
MATCHMAN
Perhaps, you fiend, perhaps...
2 - MATCHMAN punches the viewscreen, shattering it.
MATCHMAN
...But all those temporaries are sure to someday add up to one big permanent! MATCHMAN out!
SOUND F/X
Keeerasssshhh!
3 - DOCTOR DEJECTION, in his underground command bunker,
reels back in pain, as the feedback from his viewscreen 26
squeals through the chamber and threatens to deafen him. His own viewscreen shows nothing but static at this point.
DOCTOR DEJECTION
Yaaargh! Feedback! Must...lower...volume!
SOUND F/X
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
4 - DOCTOR DEJECTION sits on, or rather, slightly above the
floor of his command bunker, head in hands, plotting his next move.
DOCTOR DEJECTION
[thinks]
Allied with a vegetable so-called 'intelligence' from another planet? What the hell was I thinking?
Page 22
FOUR PANELS
1 - Exterior shot of the VALCom Building, New York City.
SERGEANT STRIKER
[from within building]
Welcome back, you two! I trust everything went smoothly as planned?
2 - MATCHMAN, Z-GIRL, and the captive DENNIS IVANOVITCH
stand in the TV Lounge of VALCom HQ before a beaming
SERGEANT STRIKER.
MATCHMAN
More or less, SARGE! More or less!
Z-GIRL
Well, less, actually! 27
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
Much less!
3 - SERGEANT STRIKER leads a frightened-looking DENNIS away
with a hand on his shoulder as MATCHMAN and Z-GIRL look on in satisfaction at a job well done.
SERGEANT STRIKER
You know, I used to kill Commies like you back in the 'Nam!
DENNIS IVANOVITCH
Gulp! Um...howdy pardner!
MATCHMAN
Poor kid! I'll bet he's learned his lesson!
Z-GIRL
I'll bet he has, all right...
4 - Z-GIRL and MATCHMAN, talking. Close shot.
Z-GIRL
...After all, it's not every day that you see a person make an onion cry!
MATCHMAN
Ha ha ha! Z-GIRL, you should have your own T.V. show!
CAPTION
Or maybe not! THE END!